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Protecting Your Balls
Take it from Evan Jacobs: wear compression shorts. You don’t want to go where he’s been. I am a hypochondriac. I always have been, always will be. On the other hand, I have many legitimate problems....
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The Prostitute Who (Almost) Saved My Relationship
VirtualTourist A few weeks into a relationship, Evan Jacobs was obsessed. Not with his new girlfriend—with his plan to pay for sex in Amsterdam. I met my ex-girlfriend by replying unironically to an...
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Chronicles of a Phone Sex Addict, Part I
Image via thedailyaffair.com Evan Jacobs’ first love was the voice of a girl he’d never met. Thousands of dollars and hours of therapy later, he’s still coming to terms with his phone-sex addiction. To...
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Chronicles of a Phone Sex Addict, Part II
In college, Evan Jacobs—the ‘saddest egotist of all time’—stole his mother’s work phone and retreated to the seedy world of phone-sex party lines. His mom nearly lost her job. Evan got a shrink. Hi....
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My Hemorrhoids Make Dating Pretty Awkward
You are about to read the most entertaining story you’ve ever read about hemorrhoids. “This is my finger,” says Dr. Brandeis. I ask him, giggling, if he’s at least going to take me to dinner first....
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Humor Lessons From a Third-Rate Comedian
Walking embarrassment Evan Jacobs tells you everything you need to know to alienate friends and irritate people. —- How to be funny? There is no one less qualified to give out this information. I am...
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My Dad, the UFO Expert
Fourth grade isn’t exactly a walk in the park, but for Evan Jacobs, having a dad who knew a lot about space aliens was the ticket to social acceptance. It’s been mostly downhill from there. ♦♦♦ My...
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